bruises

still healing

bike

I happily spent Tuesday with Panda Ariel at the bike shop putting together the last bits of my new recycled bike. It was the first sunny day in a while and I made sure I got a good dose of vitamin D for my ill body. I'd been sick (and am somehow worse now) all week, so it was nice to be out in the sun.

We rode our bikes to gertrude street and on the way there i had this vision of Pandas, Viv, Sarah and I bike riding and going on a picnic in the springtime all happy together. Hahaha - obviously missing class excursion fun times.

We spent some the evening sitting in the park. We watched and commented on keen joggers and yelling coaches as they ran by. I was happy to just sit and talk under trees that sounded like the ocean. I listened to many stories of his life; some of which made me feel at ease and ever thankful to know him.

We met Andii and I had dinner with them at a dumpling place. I listened to them talk about different classes and assignments and we all stared and laughed at the cups that moved by themselves across the the table. I cried a bit inside when they told me they ate at Din Tai Feng when they were up in Sydney.

It was a peaceful day with the Pandas.

It felt just like the first time I hung out with them.

spaceman

ready to see the earth

writing

letz get icecream

fro yo in the sun

v and i had our yumyum day on the weekend. We met up at the station and wandered to the city to eat udon noodles and ice cream. We talked about how good noodles and ice cream are and also spoke about what's been happening in our own lives.
We went back to my house and v make me tea to calm my sickness - a delicious white tea. I made edamame so we could snack while we sat on the coach. I made one half of the packet and then after an hour or so v made the other half and i could hear her in the kitchen shakin' so much salt over the beans. I laughed so hard. This girl likes salt. I played Zelda and v was keen to watch. She laughed at how bad I was and we screamed when things got scary.

Happy to have had a day with v as it has been so long. It's good to relax and be a cats every so often.

the point

nettle soup and snails

foie gras, lobster, quince and walnut

coral trout, butter poached prawns

suckling pig, pine nuts, chicory and dark ale

porterhouse, otway shiitake mushrooms, pommes puree and broad

pear souffle and spiced ice cream

ghost

no sleep

taking the train home before sunrise
thinking I should wait a half our to watch the skies light up
but my eyes keep closing
a bit afraid I will fall asleep on the train

we go past street lights
i feel like i'm on a spaceship
flying quickly by countless galaxies.

dance bear

collecting the petals
that have fallen from the flowers beside my bed
thinking how beautiful they are
even though their life has almost left them completely

tired of many things
but still hoping one day 
they will come

constantly fighting bad habits
staring at skin
and thinking the keys aren't far

feeling so susceptible to weather change
checking phone for a sunny image
checking phone for a message from you

not really caring
it's just another bad habit

thinking the other day
how easy it must be to not care
and thinking I could probably let it all go
and wondering why I haven't yet

some part of me just wants to question feeling lost
the rest of me just wants to stare at skies
or sleep
or make
or jump on my bed, feel happy and not think of anything too "deep"

enjoying making people ask me questions
thinking it is because i want to see how my body answers
maybe i will learn something new about myself
maybe i am curious to see what people want to know about me

loving the sound the wind makes

when it moves through dried leaves

so calming

wishing for the world to stop for a moment

and see how amazing everything is

and take a moment to love who they are

reflecting the faces that i have seen during the day

some of them seem more real than others

wanting to know their story

wondering where my story will lead

sleep.

let's take a photo of a goat in a boat

watching so much of the Flight of the Conchords videos.

Sooo funny.

Favourite three:

Hurt Feelings

I told You I Was Freaky

Robots

---

Vanni is back in Italia and I am laughing with him right now talking about what our fictional kids would look like being Australian, Chinese and Italian. He just said, "They'd be super cute when they are little and then they would grow to be gorgeous... all our two sons and one daughter."

HAHAH god this is hilarious.

thankful

I am so happy right now.

Right at this moment, I am feeling so content and peaceful with my friends. I am feeling so thankful to be surrounded with such beautiful and talented people. I love their open-mindedness and their curiosity towards life.

I spent the morning with Vic and I also met Myf who was really very lovely.

I took the tram into the city to meet Shannay for lunch and I was held up at the traffic light. I watched the tram, that I wanted to take, go right by me. The guy next to me said out loud, "arrrrgh!" and I looked at him and I said, "I KNOW RIGHT." and we waited for the next tram together and we talked about where he was from and about his family. He was from New Zealand and had many sisters and a few brothers. He said all the girls were way more academic than the guys. I told him how I wanted to go to New Zealand because I wanted to see the beautiful scenery that I have heard so much about. We laughed a lot together about the instances where you JUST miss the tram, or when you JUST make the tram and how it feels so good when it is the latter. He was on his way to a cooking class, and i told him that that was awesome and that cooking is such a handy skill (not having to depend on other people to make deliciousness) It was so good meeting this guy, I didn't even get his name. I hope he is happy where ever he is.

I met with Shannay and we got macaroons together. We walked around the city trying to find a nice pasta place and I took her to one that I had been to before down an alleyway. It was pretty expensive but the food was so delicious. I couldn't stop smiling when I was eating it, and to be in such good company made me smile more. This girl is actually so lovely and I am so thankful to have her in my life. Even though it sounds so intense when I say it, I feel like there is no better time than now to express my joy towards her. I think it is always good to let people know that they make me happy.
We were so full by the end of lunch. We had predicted that we would be, but we kept eating because it was just so tasty.

During class I was texting Dylan about whether or not the Style Craft was on tonight or tomorrow night. I asked if he was dressed up right now and he said that he was and felt very awkward in class. It turned out that it wasn't on tonight (whoops) but we went there anyway and saw the big screen set up and also all the awesome furniture.
We were walking towards the train station and he asked whether I wanted to go get something to eat and I said excitedly, "FROZEN YOGURT!!" and he was like "YESSSS!!!" hahaha.
We talked about a lot of things over frozen yogurt. I ran into Pauline there too (she works there) A bit about relationships and a lot about movies and awesome cartoons and also funny comments on facebook (will put up a link when he sends it to me)
I told him how much I want to go the studio Ghibli museum so I can buy a book fuuuuuull of the sketches from all the movies. Dylan is such a good drawer that he was so keen on getting one too. He plans to go there next year in the mid semester break with Katelyn and he said that if he goes to the museum that he'll get me one!! whoooohooo. Because of Katelyn's study, she would be able to be sent to Japan for free so they'd just buy one ticket and split the price between them, I was saying to him, "you actually have the best girlfriend ever!!"
I was telling him how I put up a photo on instagram and Anouska had commented on it, "I walked past you in the city yesterday and said your name but you were charging on haha!" and I told him how embarrassed I felt at the image of me like fast walking through the city on my way to uni being late. I was also feeling so silly because I would have loved to have stopped and talked to her.

Dylan and I took the train home and as I walked home I thought how lucky I am to have just a handful of wonderful people in my life. People who I feel really safe with and very much myself around. I feel like that I am understood - and that is special.

wake up dance

So, the best way to wake up is to DANCE.

(this might be awkward for some of you to imagine, so maybe just ignore read the next paragraph, haha) But this morning I was dancing to really happy music and feeling great without a care in the world and THEN I realise that all the people that live opposite me can totally see me dancing from their rooms... But after typing this, I don't think it'll stop my mornings.

yumyum breakfast

So a fair bit has happened this week! 

Wednesday I went to Vic's and she told me that we have a new person that is going to be working in the same floor space (she is using Bec's space cus Bec isn't lots at the moment) and Vic said really casually, "It's Myf Warhurst" and my face just went O_O

So maybe I will meet her next week !

Vic was telling me about Mark's reaction - So he has been sick lately and been unusually quiet at his desk for the past week ...  when Vic told him about Myf he said he wasn't going to get too excited cus he wasn't really into the celebrity thing. When Myf came in, he stood up and became SUPER lively and offered to get Myf tea and Vic said to me, "He never offers to make ME tea!!" Hahahaha. Was hilarious.

We ate Burritos with EXTRA jalapenos and the people put the jalapenos into the burritos and Vic was picking them all out (cus normally they put it on the side) but i really enjoyed it. I think spicy food makes me happier for some reason!

Before I left, without really paying attention, I wiped my hand across my nose and. in some slow motion way, I saw form the corner of my eye that Mark was staring directly at me so I quickly put my hand away from my nose and said to him, "that.. I'm sorry... would have been really unattractive" and he replied, "Its ok, you feel comfortable doing random things around me." and I replied, "Oh god we've reached that stage already!! "

After tech class, I spent the entire evening with Jimmy having dinner, walking around the city and sitting in places and talking about everything. I talked with him about things I don't normally talk to people about. Our conversation was really open and was special to be able to feel this comfortable. I find it so interesting to talk about certain things, and then realise how much more it means to me than i expected. Like, I feel my heart speed up or I feel myself become sad/happy ect or I find it really hard to get it out into words.

Thursday I picked up my little donkey!! 

I always feel sooooo happy when I get the little plastic bag and I see my creature made into silver. 

In MAKE I am carving a little bird out of wood.

still a long way to goooo!

when I cut the wood, I have to wear sooo much safety gear!

On the way home, I was talking to this guy in a wheelchair and I think he had had a stroke before or something. It was pretty ok talking to him, I also met a man who worked for google and apparently Yahoo has better numbers in places like Japan! 

Shannay and I spontaneously decided to go see Michael do stand up comedy at this bar at the start of Church street (happens every Thursday!) some of the people there were hilarious. It's the first time I've every been to stand up comedy but I think it was really good first. There were some really really awkward silences and moments where everyone in the crowd was thinking, "no... no please don't go there!!" or people had really depressing stories that made me want to run away.

They were mainly good though! The MC was great. Michael did pretty well, but he hadn't prepared as well as he should have. A bunch of his friends were there too, so it was nice to get to know them a little bit. It ended at midnight so Shannay drove me home and we were boooth sooo tired.

Now I am off to Vic's to give her a present and help her set up for Craft Cubed Open studio this Saturday! So Melbourne people should visit and see her workspace!

Take a look at all the Open studios here!

in silence and in the night time

thoughts tell me not to move on 
but the daytime brings an unwanted clarity to it all.

I feel my heart aching now
maybe my body is just being dramatic.

I could go forever without knowing you
but I don't want to.

Life is trying to teach me something
having brought you into my own.

Don't you think there is a reason?

Or maybe I'm wrong.
Or maybe I'm bored.

to hear your words

I am just watching the final of The Glee Project... I really like watching it because everyone is so talented. As most people know, I love people who can sing, dance and act. I just feel so happy to watch themmm.

I adore Zach Woodlee (choreographer) sooo much. His expressions/characteristics are so adorable it makes me want to cry. Every single time the contestants are doing "last chance performances" he is so proud and happy of each person and he crosses his arms over his chest as if he's trying to contain his joy or laughter. Makes me laugh every time.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WIFEY

(do you remember where this video is from? Hahaha, so good)

Sending you happy waves from Australia ~ ~ ~

& hoping that I'll see you soon enough!

Missing our days together

But I'm just thankful to have met you

& that you weren't a creeper on the internet : )

Love you always.

X X O O

i did not expect to stay so late

I just got home from uni, whaaat.

Today was pretty good, but more sleepy than good.

I wanted to sleep all through class. Caroline talked about interesting things like wikileaks and showed us some videos. We presented our individual ideas and had class discussions. I feel like I am getting more confident in class.... I felt less shy talking to her or just asking questions, so I think that is a good thing.

Finished Vic's birthday present and, at lunch, got it sent off to be made. Walked to Vic markets with Dylan who got his chocolate and banana smoothy again, haha. I got a small drink and the guy there was nice and stamped my discount card even though he's not really meant to unless I buy a regular drink.

Michael turning my class into a club with this cool sound interactive projection.

After class, walking around with Vivian who was the first girl I met at Uni (she's from Taiwan) She and I always wear the same clothes or like each other's clothes hahah.

Ran into Panda Ariel outside uni and he was waiting for Angus - who is actually this guy that I always run into everywhere & who I met randomly on the tram last year!

I did Rhino and CAD with Jimmy till just then & he is a fun working buddy.

I took the tram home and met this guy from Yale university who was in Melbourne just for two days singing. He's been travelling all around the world for the last 90 days singing in different places. He was really lost on the tram so I just told him that I'd let him know when to get off and then we chatted all the way.

Found a letter on my desk from Shannon! I love getting snail maillllll.

bear hug my pillow and sleep.

rad cakes and cool cats

I flew to Canberra for the weekend. The main reason was to be there for Lizbeth's 21st celebration. Secondary reasons being - family, bike riding and seeing other friends.

The plane flight was surprisingly smooth. Thank the world for in-flight headsets - I don't know how I'd cope without it. 

"youuuuu're listening to radio QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ"

flying over snowy mountains

I had extended family staying over at the house. It was my dad's cousins - Meaghan and Scott, Scott's wife - Tik, his son - William (who called him self Billy) and my Great Aunty Gloria (dad's mum's younger sister)

They took up all the rooms in the house, so I slept in my old bedroom ... which is now a study. I slept on this old Chinese bed that my mum and dad brought back from China. It's made of bamboo and some really solid wood. The bed was super firm, mum had put a thin mattress on the top and put three layers of blankets over that so I wouldn't freeze at night. I slept so well each night - probably because of all the weight on me.

Seeing extended family was really nice. I hadn't seen them in around 7 years, so I had changed a lot, and Billy was only 1 last time I saw him. I was pretty confused when I first saw them though. I didn't know who was who (despite Aunty Meaghan and Great Aunty Gloria) 

I liked listening to Gloria talk about the earth and how it is important to feel connected to nature. She told me stories of how she used to live in a caravan, how Scott got bitten by a funnel web spider when he was 8 and other things.

Billy was a pretty adorable kid. 

Scott would ask me to teach him some piano and I'd ask Billy, "Hey hey want to play some piano with meee?" and he'd be shy but happily sit on the seat beside me and copy what I played.

He's half Thai and half Australian.  His dad used to be a dentist, but I think grew tired of the job so he went and got a PHD in Thai and went to work in Thailand where he met Tik. I was listening to them speak and it was really amazing.

Saturday, when I arrived, I went to Yum Cha with them all and also took a drive around Canberra to take a look. After all that I took a long nap (I took a an 8:30 flight, so had to wake up at 6 to get there on time and i was exhausted)

Abbey came over when I woke up to help me get ready for Liz's party. It was a casual/formal dress, so I wanted her to do my make up for me (cus I'm really very bad at it cus I  hardly use it) She was super keen to help out, and it was just really great to be able to talk to her one-on-one during such a short visit. While she was doing my make up, I was moving a lot and I kept saying, "I THINK THAT'S TOO MUCH... eeee" and she'd reply, "YOU LOOK GREAT, OK? SHUSH." we were laughing a lot at how uncomfortable I felt and she said, " ... It's like I'm painting a canvas... but the canvas is a retard!!" Hahah, this girl.

Liz's celebration was quite nice. It was sometimes quite awkward for me to make conversation with people that I went to high school with.. but hadn't seen in ages. At times I felt like I couldn't be bothered to make an effort and talk about very general things that had been "going on" in my life. However, I did enjoy seeing some people. I liked talking to Liz's sister, Alex, who had done a lot of the arrangement for the party. She's one of the people that I feel quite comfortable listening to and just talking about life and more meaningful things with. It was lovely to see Liz so happy : ) and I am glad to have made the night. There was a photo album filled with photos of Liz... I took a photo of one because IT WAS SO CUTE.

adorable lizbeth!!!! heehee eating a calipo!

Abbey drove me back home and we talked a lot about what's been happening in each other's lives. I think I've already mentioned before how much I love my friendship with Abbey. Last time I left Canberra I was a bit concerned about her, but after talking to her so much that night. I feel so much more at peace with everything that's happening in her life. I almost feel silly for even worrying at all.

I think that I want to be a bit more like Abbey and not over think things so much. As Abbey says, "Izzy, you like to mull over things until it grows inside of you and you want to die." Hahaha sigh it is a quite true. And she is so right that I need to not let myself over think things.

I miss having her around. I'm thankful that she always makes time to see me when I visit, especially because she is so busy all the time with work and dance.

Sunday, I decided to go do some archery. I had wanted to do it last time I was in Canberra but they were closed for renovation. Mum drove me there and I looked out of the window at who was attending the class. It was full of guys or little kids and I was filled with a sudden urge to run away. I said out loud, in hesitation, " errrr..... I don't want to do it anymore... It's going to be awkward... I'm going to be by myself... Ahh I do this to myself all the time. I never think about what I'm getting myself into!!" A part of me was actually tempted to run away. But, over the years, I've been learning to push that part of me away and just be like, "OK IM DOING IT." so that is what I did. I pushed the worrying part of me out of my head, jumped out of the car and got my bow and arrows and met a whole bunch of new people.

shadow makes me feel like a warrior

It's been a really long time since I've done archery. I had a super fun time shooting the targets. I hit my arm a few times with the string... and now i've got these bruises and scratches up my right arm. It was worth it though.

I met these three guys who had studied or were still studying Graphic Design, Architecture and animation. It was pretty interesting talking to them. One of the guy's girlfriend was a sign writer and i was like THAT IS SO COOOOOL! (after having met sign writers at the start of the year) It was funny when they first started talking to me. I was shooting the target and I hear this "so have you done this before?" and I was facing the target so the guy was just literally talking to my back and i turned around in confusion and was like, "... me?"

They asked me what I was studying and one of the guys said, before I spoke, "You look like an ANU girl! Are you?" Do ANU girls look a particular way?? ahahah my gosh. I told them i was in Melbourne doing Interior design and how it's like a mix of architecture and art and we learn a broad range of things, and the graphic design guy nudged the architecture guy and was like, "hey! you guys are made for each other" and i was like ...     ...      ... ba haha this is weird for me. Please don't pair me up in your head. 

It was really good though. I also talked to this lady who was looking after her little girl. It was really chill and just good to reconnect with archery. I'm happy that I did it.

The weather in Canberra was perfect again.

shadows on my garage

I spent Sunday at the market with my family and extended family. I ran into Charlene who used to teach Taekwondo in my high school. It was so good to see her, she seemed really well.

I bought some dried strawberries and they were sooooooooooooo tastyyyyyyyyy.

we took family photos in the backyard, Billy brought his toy owls with him. His favourite animal (like me!!)

I went to dinner with Elaine at my favourite Laksa place. It was pretty hilarious, I was texting Elaine telling her that I was about to make a booking and she texted back, "you already did the booking!" and I was like "Nooo I haven't!" so I called up and said, "Hiiii I want to book for two at 7pm!" and the guy replied, "Under what name?" and I said, "Izzyyyy" and he paused and said, "Hmm you've already made a booking." and I paused for along time, every so often making the noises, "uh.." "ummmm" in confusion and replied, "whaaa..... wait.. umm.. really?" (during this phase I was thinking "MAN MY SHORT TERM MEMORY IS SHIT omg im so old) and then it clicked that Elaine must have booked under my name SNEEKY SNEEKY. The guy laughed at me.

Dinner was super yum. I got this half bowl of laksa with extra tofu and elaine got a full bowl and I was thinking, "you will regret getting a massive bowl" and towards the end of dinner she was moaning and saying, "iiiiiii ammmmm sooo fullllll aarggh why did i get that!"

She said how she gets stressed when it comes to parties and went onto saying, "You , on the other hand, have had enough parties to not get stressed. I've seen so much improvement over the years... I mean... You used to MARK THE ROLE."

I laughed so hard. I can't believe I used to do that hahahaha.

Sister was really great and dropped me off and picked me up.

I went back home and talked to mum, dad, Scott and watched Billy as he pretended to die in the corner. I picked billy up (Which I almost regretted straight away because he wasn't as light as I thought he would be) and held him in my arms and fell to my knees and said, "Nooooooooooooo Billy's deaddddd!" and the parent's continued to watch TV. Hah.

I am too tired to write much more. Oh ... I also I went bike riding and that was happyyyy! 

Oh, I also ran into my neighbours. I rode past them and they hardly noticed me until i stopped and took off my classes and said, "hey! I live down the road remember!" They seemed to have aged a lot. It has only been 5 or so years since I've seen them... and that really freaked me out. Aging actually scares me to some point. I felt sad after I saw them, I don't know why. 

This morning I had a super early breakfast with my lovely sister at Beess and Co just down the road from my house. I rode my bike there and didn't consider how freezing it was in the morning (it was -1) and even though the shops were literally a block from my house, my face and hands froze over. IT WAS BAD.

After breakfast I dropped by the bakery and saw Darcy cus I thought it wouldn't have been right if I didn't see him before I left. He was literally COVERED in flour. It was hilarious. He had it in his hair. Heehee. I was thinking how crazy cold it would have been for him to ride to work so early in the morning. It was good to see himmm.

It was a really great weekend seeing everybody,  meeting new people, bike riding, archery and surviving plane trips.

Nighty.

X

hardly slept

am so drawn to my bed right now... but i've gotta catch the tram, train, bus then plane.

happy weekend to everyone ~

summary

Thursday:

Recording with Michael in the studio.
Sound proof room. Hearing my own voice in my ears when I sing.
Laughing at Michael at the start of each song when he does signaling with his arms (because I can't hear him from outside)
Having songs played back to me. At the start of every song is Michael saying, "Whoooo!!!"
Feeling so nervous at the start, but getting so comfortable towards the end. Wishing we had more time.
Enjoying his company and easy-going personality

Before MAKE
Seeing Steph and showing her the sound-proof room. Steph being cray cus she said her ex was on the same level.
Sitting outside of the class with Shannay and Michael
Michael plays old songs on his laptop for us. 60s, 70s and 80s music.
Us three singing and humming along to "Where is My Mind"
Michael playing Mad World on guitar, and then stressing when I didn't put the capo on the recommended fret.

Learning now to use the machines.
Handy man teaching me all the things... and laughing at me being scared.
Asking Shannay to be there to watch me saw things in half (to make sure I don't saw my hand off)
Really loving the sanding machine

Sculpting a little bird to fit in my hand

Hugh always teasing me for no reason

---

Friday

Meeting Vic in the morning. Giving her some honey from Canberra so that she gets better before her birthday (one more year till the big one!)

Walking lots in the city before meeting Shannay. Listening to happy music and really enjoying the sunshine and fast moving clouds.

Buying yum tofu rice paper rolls in QV. Attempting to squeeze out peanut sauce and having it explode ALL OVER ME in the food court. I was alone. I had a mini paper tissue. I tried not to panic. It was all over my arm, my hair and my coat. A cleaning lady rolled by... Smiled at me and I asked for more napkins and slowly cleaned myself. Trying not to let out a cry of horror so I wouldn't attract any attention. Shannay finds me and comforts me.

Taking Shannay to buy wax and showing her where to buy all the jewellery things.

Having our "Friday Coffee" and mini cupcakes in the sun. Am really enjoying always meeting on Fridays before class and chatting.

Feeling so tired in class. Steph making trippy videos on the program. Attempting to give me seizures.

Welcome to our "rave cave"

Intruding on each other's personal space

End of class, feeling so tired - not even making proper words. Just mumbling to everybody or laughing.

Wanting to go home, but meeting with Jimmy and Simone. Turning out to be my best decision of the day. Sharing Fro Yo together. Going to Jimmy's house. Eating lots of oranges. Watching a movie that had Tom Hardy in it (Jimmy's new love) drinking some really yum soup Jimmy made.

Getting to know Simone more. Really liking the company of the two. Feeling like a bit of a mini family. Playing some guitar and Simone giving me so many compliments and me being shy but really very happy that she likes my voice.

Jimmy singing one of the songs he made a long time ago. Figuring out how to add guitar music to it and it actually sounding good - being so surprised and happy that I could get the keys right.

Having a super super super happy evening. I am so glad to have gone to Jimmy's that night. I haven't really spoken to Simone much over the year (we are never in the same class) and it was just nice to sit and talk and relax. It seemed really easy to be around them both. I felt like myself.

---

Waking up in four hours.

Time to sleep.

before bed

new water colour drawings and a little creature i wish i had.

a year ago

water colour and writing from a year ago.

text

lines wont cure it

no matter how much I want them.

---

sometimes I feel better.

nervous

about tomorrow!!

Am finally recording with Michael ... He's super excited, haha. I, on the other hand, am quite nervous. I haven't ever sung in front of him before. I am looking forward to it though.

Ahhh what am I going to sing D:

describe it to me

Good day. Good day.

Presented for studio class in the morning. It went really quickly and is all now a blur to me because I've decided not to think about it much.

I had lunch with Shannay, Michael and Dylan. We were waiting for our food to arrive and some rap started playing on the radio and immediately Shannay, Michael and I started boppin' our heads and dancing a bit and after a couple seconds we noticed what we were doing and burst into laughter.

Shannay started class earlier so Dylan and I took a walk to her building. On the way there, we were talking about the new nickname I gave to Dylan which was "Dilbert" and for some reason we got onto the topic of how Shannay thought this guy in our class was gay but he wasn't and then went on to saying how Shannay and I had never really thought Dylan was gay and that it was because of his body type. Dylan then horrified us both by saying, "I think I could pull it off if i wore one of those mesh tops and --- " I tuned out then because I couldn't even handle the image. It was pretty hilarious. Shannay and I both had our hands to our faces and were telling Dylan, "Noooooo please stop!!"

Later, Dylan and I went to Vic markets and I got my juice and he got a chocolate and banana smoothie. It was pretty yum. He tried some of my carrot and celery juice and literally said, "whoa! this is yum!" and my reply was, "YOU ARE A GREAT FRIEND!! I LIKE YOU!" simply cus the majority of people who have tried my juice have replied in a much more negative way, haha.

It's yum (and healthy)

He was telling me about how his teacher is a cray... but not in a good cray way. We had ages till class started so we just talked more about our class, but mainly of all the anime and movies that he should watch (we've been making a list of cartoons/anime to watch!)

I went back to class to watch other people's presentations. It was incredibly mundane waiting for people to set up... However, I did use the time to question Sean more about technical stuff. Michael and watched "History of Wooing Women" and danced about to the good music (all up until the 90s) But seriously, how good are the old songs. I have been listening to them so much lately!

I also got to know this guy in my class who is on exchange here from India. He's super keen on sketching and drawing. He showed me a bunch of his work and was super friendly. It's nice to be getting to know new people.

I met up with Ariel after class. We took a walk to the little park between RMIT and Melbourne Uni (cus there were toooo manyyyy huuuumansss in the city!). We talked and I watched the sun slowly set. The sky was so nice today I was looking at it all day. I found it quite funny cus when Ariel asked, "What are you up to this after class?" I was just thinking to ask the same! It was really good spending time with him and this time I managed to actually make words. I think the last times we hung out I didn't really talk all that much.

He told me to watch the trailer for "Beauty is Embarrassing" I literally watched this trailer yesterday and thought it was super good. I am keen on seeeeeing it when it comes out! I will hopefully also be checking out the Sophie Gannon Gallery before I leave this weekend!

It was a really nice way to spend the afternoon.

I headed back to Uni and met Dylan in the computer labs. We both worked on our tech retreats and he helped me out with calculations and the mathssss. He's such a good friend!! After he left for home, I worked continuously on CAD to try and get the basic shape of my retreat. I looked up and noticed the time was 9:15. Time flies when I am doing CAD. I forgot about that. 

I am not finding tech tedious at all. I am actually enjoying it quite a bit. It is nice to use CAD again and think, "Wooooow I actually remember how to use this all!!"

v v v sleep e e e

oh my glob

My wisdommmm teeeeth are sooo eevillll roooooar !!

I cannot even sleep properly cus I wake up and im clamping down on my gums. Smiling makes my face and mouth feel weird.

I just want them out of my jaw jaw.

little friend

Making Vic's birthday present! A little donkey necklace ~ Almost done! Just got to pin the tail on it.

another life

revisiting places
i have only ever been to in dreams

walking down busy alleyways
that lead to places
that don't quite fit in

knowing people
knowing their personalities
or making it up as i go

it doesn't really seem to matter

i remember the walls
and the floor
i hardly look at the sky

i remember feeling lost
the first time i visited
and now it is all too familiar

i am going away so you can be

People always laugh when I tell them my skype address...

I used to think budgies were cute, OK?

---

I was on a packed train looking at this tradie man who appeared real tough. He had his iphone pugged in and was listening to music really loudly. I didn't pay much attention to what the song was... I was thinking more about whether or not he knew that everyone around him could hear what the song was. Then I caught onto the melody... It was Big Jet Plane by Angus and Julia Stone. I noticed he had closed his eyes. He looked really peaceful.

--

I was running to the station and ran into Tara outside. She had literally seen me run up a slight hill in a mad rush to get the train and it was awkward but really quite funny for both of us. We had a super quick conversation... but it was actually great. I was quite in a rush and a feeling a bit awkward and randomly said to her "sorry about the other day! I'm a bit retarded in big groups, I don't talk much.. cus I'm trying to listen to everyone.. I think I get overwhelmed! But the breakfast was nice! It was good to see everyone!" and she replied, "what! no! It's just me... I'm so dominating. I don't even mean to be! I don't let people get a word in!" and we talked about meeting up and having an actual one-on-one coffee.. which would be great cus I could actually get to know her. Hahaha. So that's something to look forward to in the future. She is such a hilarious character, she's so good with words.

I met with Casi after that. We went for drinks at Open Studio. I hadn't seen her in a really long time cus she had been in Berlin helping her Liam settle into his new life. I think all night I listened to her say how much she missed being overseas and also her thoughts about being apart from him. She'd only come back on Wednesday, so I knew that she was still adjusting and that our conversation wouldn't get to the point of being super happy or anything. We talked about having another day where we will bake a vegan pie and have it with soy ice cream. We talked about the feeling of not having someone always there and missing comfort. She talked about all the great vegan places (ice cream ones too, yum) she found in Berlin and how Liam bought a really nice, old, saxophone from a man who was sad to part with it. It was lovely to see her, but also a bit sad to see/feel that she is unhappy and a bit lost.

-

Steph came over today and we put fabric around the outside of the boxes we had made for our Studio class.

success

We had to iron a really large 3m piece of fabric so that it wouldn't look so creased when stretched around the box.... and we both kind of gave up because it was so difficult and we said we would just "design around the creases"

Steph took a photo of me while I was in struggle town, and made it a meme and sent it to me later in the day.... I laughed so hard.

no success

We went to uni and met with Michael and put together our boxes and did projection tests!

It was exciting to actually see it up and working. I think I will be going in tomo to try and figure out how to make different layers on the program. The people in the lab (none of which we knew) all made comments like "wooow so cool!" and asked us what programs we were using. It was pretty funny because we were using the default animation at the time... But it was really good to be practicing using something that we wouldn't have learnt if we didn't do this class.

Afterwards, I met with Jimmy and he treated me to dessert. He finished telling me the story that he started on the train a couple weeks ago and it was all really interesting to hear about his life. He is one of the more constant friends in my life and I think it's always kind of special to just hear about another person's life and things that they've experienced and then their own contemplations about those experiences.

Later, I met with Jing and Andy for dinner. We took him to the spicy fish place that we always go to. After about 10 minutes he started to slow down, sweat a bit and say "this ... is really spicy... I think I need more rice." hahaha. Jing and I were comforting him and telling him things like, "we were like that the first time we ate here! You've just gotta come here more often!"

It was the first time I've had dinner with both of them. It was pretty chill and afterwards we all shared a crepe at this french crepe place near our house. When we got home, Jing went into her room and was talking to someone and I gave Andy some rice milk and some herbal jelly stuff to "calm his stomach" cus it was "on fire" and he said he felt way better after that. Rice milk is awesommmee.

He and I talked a lot in the kitchen and just got to know each other a little more. He is a pretty nice guy and I am glad to have gotten to the stage where we're comfortable around each other and actually have decent conversations.

Good weekend, got through a lot of thoughts.

the things i find...

... when i'm cleaning out my computer. hahaha

making sense from avoidance

I had forgotten about your poems -
the ones you wrote in my book that night
I showered you with gold
and we sung together in a large, empty, room.

I had forgotten how much I loved your words
and your writing
even though I had told myself to remember
so many times

the leaf

colour test and first round of editing

3D mapping

Today, class made me want to punch myself in the face.

I was getting pretty frustrated at the program. I was the only one out of my group who was actually attempting to figure out how the mapping works and how to mask areas that we didn't want. The program is simple enough, but for some reason the computer was being a cray and opening dozens of pages (another classmate had set up the computer incorrectly) and it was really annoying to work with. I was masking one of our animations and then pressed a button that I thought would let me put another layer on, but it deleted everything I had just done and one of the people from my group was like, "ugh! do it again!" and i was like thinking, "hey man, chill your pants. we all don't know how this program works so don't get shitty at me for making a mistake. it's all part of the learning process and at least i'm giving it a go."

What was more annoying was that whenever Sean was explaining things to me, the others weren't even making an effort to listen. So, I've been taught and I know that later on, I will have to teach them or they will depend on me to set up everything next Tuesday.

Rahhh at least I have learnt some things. I'm happy about my own progress. Programs are always frustrating at the start, and I already feel more comfortable with it. I talked a lot with Sean today and he helped me quite a bit.

Again, I felt pretty bad for him. After class he was apologising for the fact that we hadn't had access to projecting till this week. It wasn't even his fault and he shouldn't have to say sorry. I think he's doing a really good job with what he's been given.

I cannot even handle that this assignment is work 30%. It actually worries me. I need to keep my grades decent because of exchange. roarrrrrs

practising

tuesday + wednesday

Tuesday and Wednesday were super long days for me. Studio class ran all day, we did a group discussion about the reading and then, in the afternoon class, we went to the industrial design workshop and built our objects that we will be using to project onto!

The workshop was good fun. I was super tired (always) at the start of the class, but I really got into it towards the end of the class. We did lots of drilling and that was quite fun (I didn't drill into myself- success!) We managed to finish all three boxes!! whooohooo. It was pretty hilarious, every 10 minutes or so Steph would say out loud, "ohhh shit." and michael and I would look at her and be like, ".... what did you do wrong! arggh! hahaha" 

yay

Afterwards I had some time to kill before heading to the Style Craft meeting so I headed towards uni to find Dylan, but ran into Ariel and spoke to him in the middle of the street for a while about everythang that has been happening in life over the week and enthusiastically fed him mangosteeeen. I always find it so much easier to talk to people one-on-one. I feel so silent in groupsss, I should work on that... 

After the chat, I ran to get some dinner and called Emma and met with her out of uni. She is such a funny girl. I quite literally always bump into her at uni even though we don't have any classes together cus she's in fourth year. She has so many awesome thoughts and I really like listening to her. We headed to Style craft together and talked about her thesis and other really interesting things which I, for the life of me, cannot even remember right now but I remember it was interesting. Ughh why do I always forget the interesting conversations.

The Style Craft meeting was great. I felt so much more comfortable than last time. We presented our own videos and discussed them and it was really awesome! Towards the end, one of the Style Craft guys said to us, "You're doing a lot for us, if there is anything we can do for you guys in return... just say! ... Mhmm. We can organise an interview with a few magazines if you'd like... like Artichoke or I-D?" and Dylan and I looked at each other and our faces were like O_O - feeling pretty overwhelmed with meeting people, but also excited.

He and I caught the train home afterwards. It was hilarious, we were walking to the train and I offered him some random fruit (I seriously had 2 mandarins, a banana and 3 mangosteens in my bag that day - yuuuum) and he took a mandarin and somehow i managed to unknowingly drop my banana somewhere in the streets of melbourne. I didn't realise till I got home and texted Dylan, "Bahaha omg I dropped the banana somewhere on the streets by accident. I hope no one slips." - that'd be quite funny though. 

----

Wednesdayyyyyyyy

I went to see Vic in the morning. Mark let me in and we chatted while I waited for her to arrive. I showed him a mangosteen and he got confused and I tried explaining what the inside was like and I said something like, "a white... mandarin sort-of inside" and he continued to look quite perplexed. Vic arrived and I did a little bit of work and gave both Vic and Mark a bit of mangosteen and Mark said it was "like a witchettery grub... but sweet" and I was not pleased with this description, hahaha.

Vic and I headed to NGV to see the "Unexpected Pleasures" exhibition. It was such a beautiful day to be walking around. The exhibition was really cool. It filled my head to ideas and new things to explore. 

I think the things that I liked most were:

Ribbonesia

Felieke Van Der Leest - Yellow Kelly

I like how random and cute Yellow Kelly is. I want it.

After that, we headed to Pieces of Eight to check out David Nealle's beautiful exhibition. 

I unenthusiastically headed to my tech class. I hadn't done all that much work for it, so I wasn't keen on going. But I had seen Ross the day before so I really couldn't run away.

Class was actually surprisingly good. Ross told us to sketch up our ideas if we hadn't done them already, so while he spoke to people one-on-one I drew up my ideas for a small lake retreat in canberra that comes off the side of the hill and faces out to the lake. We had to choose an actual site, so I chose this one place where I always bike ride to. I think that I have gotten really good teachers for this semester. I find Ross really helpful and I think that he will be even more so once we actually begin our proper technical drawings. He spoke to me last, and he was keen on my idea said, "i'd buy that!" hahaha.

I had so much time to kill before Pandas, Sarah and I saw Batman so I just went to Uni and did some editing for Animate Activate and chatted to Jimmy while doing the work. I called up Rainbow and we met for dinner. He's moving house really soon and might not be able to find a place, so he seemed super stressed. I gave him timtams to feel better. I was actually feeling so tired so I was trying to eat sugar so I wouldn't fall asleep before/during batman. He told me to drink a soft drink... so i did and lotsss of sugar is so not good for me. I became a super tired but a little bit hyper. Rainbow was laughing at me because I was so obviously tired. He was telling me to "eat something substantial" instead of miso. But miso is so good. When Pandas arrived at the cinema, he'd half finished his curry and I looked at him and was like, "... Haha you know I have to go riiiiight. I'm sorry to run away from you!" and he was like "You are ditching me!! rahhh" 

Batman was good! It was odd for me to actually see the movie. Beforehand I was telling Rainbow, "Dude... It feels surreal that im going to see Batman... I have been waiting to see it for ages and now... I AM ahhhh"

It was really great to see it with the Pandas and Sarah! It was like... a completely different hanging-out atmosphere than the other times i've hung out with either of them. It's actually the first time I've seen a movie with those guys... so that was a good first movie haha.

I couldn't help but feel kind of nervous when the movie started. I kept thinking about the shootings (cus I read so much about it, i really shouldn't have read so much into it) and this guy who was in front of me got up and went out of the cinema and I was thinking "... I hope he's not a cray" but he came back with icecream. So yay for no cray.

It was pretty hilarious seeing people's reactions to things. I think all of us were like "wtf" when batman got with the french chick. It seemed so out of nowhere. Andii burst into laughter at one point and I was like, "whaaat? why are you laughing!" and she was like, "It's the guy from dexter!!" and I was like, "bahah omg it is." Pretty funny to see him playing a police officer again. Every time Joseph Gordon Levitt came on screen I'd look at Sarah and she'd be smiling her face off. - but really Joseph Gordon Levitt is actually super. I kind of love him. Ariel would laugh every time the motorbike with the spinning wheels came on the screen hahaha I wonder if those could be made... I'm sure they could.

Anne Hathaway was super good too. My love for her went up when I found out she could sing. Talented peeeeooooooppppppllle.

I was so tired after the movie. We wandered to China town and drunk soup and then Sarah and I sleepily trammed home. 

Has been a really good few of days!! 

I have been meaning to write a few things that have been in my head for ages, but I am always so tired. I will write them soon hopefully. 

Tiiiime to rest ~~

cocoon

One Love - Bob Marley
Little Wonders - Rob Thomas
To Build A Home - The Cinematic Orchestra
Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
Volcano - Damien Rice
Featherstone - The Paper Kites

---

So, this morning I woke up and decided to get on with my Make assignment! The last couple of days has rendered me super exhausted. I have honestly just wanted my face in my pillow and to be covered in blanketssssss.

Heating the wax was easy enough. I hacked at the huge egg of wax and put it in the mini sauce pan. I learnt not to keep it on the stove long because the wax would start to fume (the alarm went off one time... and that really woke me up)

I tore lines of different tissue paper and mixed the into the wax.

I also dipped larger, individual, pieces of tissue into the wax and tried working with that.

I originally wanted to make a tissue and wax mask for my face. I wanted to mold the materials to my face. I tried doing it a few times... I just felt like it was sort-of dangerous because the wax would stick to my face and my eyebrows and when I took it off I really feared losing an eyebrow in the process. 

I managed to get a decent form, but I wasn't satisfied with the final outcome so I decided to move onto something different.

I think I wrote in a previous post, that I was interested in extending the body or creating another skin for it. I started looking at my hand as it's own kind of creature - It seeks shelter, comfort, ect. I decided to create a cocoon around my left hand.

I actually really love the final outcome of it. The colour of the wax almost suits the colour of my skin.  I found the tissue and wax such an interesting combination - the tissue was so soft and once the wax hit it it became super tough, but at the same time it looked fragile because of the qualities of the tissue.

cocoon

I had a really good time creating this. I totally messed up my kitchen though. There was wax almost everywhere. The process of it was not at all easy. At one point I wanted to extend the idea of the cocoon and start building the same sort of form around my shoulders and up my neck, I put all this "warm" waxed tissue on me and it wasn't working, so i took it off, put my glasses on and saw that my skin was so so so red I really thought I burnt myself. But after wrapping myself in a cold towel, I felt way better and the redness went away.

The most difficult was putting the wax on my face, cus I was really cautious about how hot the wax was before i put it on. It was difficult to know the exact time to put it on, a lot of the times it'd be too hot, or too cold. I think that if I want to make a mask... i'd have to use someone else's face. Hahaha.

Georgie liked my work -phew- I actually really adore her. She is so nice! Today she was showing us some of her silver work, and she was like, "Oh Izzy! I brought you this!" and handed me a small packet -Last class she took out a small packet that had a wet towel in it for cleaning glasses and I was like "ahh where do you get those? they are so handy!" (cus glasses get dirty or smudged often, esp when im working with my hands a lot) and so she gave me one of those today and i was so happy HAHAHA even though it's not even anything. It's just really nice and thoughtful of her and was a surprise!

At the end of class she went around to everyone to discuss our ideas for the next project. I was showing her my Make book (this small A5 that we're meant to document and write/draw our ideas in) and i was flipping through the pages and she was like, "Wait!! go back!" and took my book and flipped to the front and pointed at my drawings and said, "I really love your drawings!" and I was so happy. HAHAHAHA. I am so lame. But it just makes me so happy when people say that and it was quite unexpected.

Make is a good class. Not only because the teacher is so easy to talk to and good at teaching, but also because it is the complete opposite of my studio and tech. I feel like I am really able to let go of theories and rules and just -make- and enjoy the process. It makes me excited, and that is a really good thing.

Mmm. After class, I was on the way home and I was thinking how recently i've been kind of negative towards myself whenever I think "I really want to learn that." So... As most friends know, there are a lot of things I want to learn and I know that it's probably much better to learn things one at a time (focus on one interest at a time). I can't help but be excited to learn something or put it on my mental list of "things to learn before death" it's weird how this quality, which i find super positive, is or... at sometimes becomes a "negative" thing for me. I feel like i'm being unreasonable, or just silly to want to learn many things. Or I am overwhelming myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to give up on learning because of these thoughts, but I've got to just sort through them and figure out why there is some negativeness towards it in my mind.

I suppose it may be because I feel like I have spread my mind too far over many different things. I think that I do feel more lost at the moment, in that I do not see myself going in a certain direction with my life. I don't see a single job or career. I look out onto a vast sea and I don't know what direction I want to go.

I think that that is one thing I really want to be exploring over the semester. I feel like I need some internal/mental/subconscious confidence in myself and this journey.