take me to a happier place

I have been in dreams so much the past week. I had hours and hours of sleep and, when I woke, I would still be tired. I wanted to get meds to keep me awake, but I know that this was more of a psychological problem than a physical one. I think my dreams are a place for escape for me when I do not like what is happening in this reality. They have always been a comfort for me, despite the occasional "nightmare" or not-so-plesant dream.

I have been afraid of not meeting high expectations, and that caused me to fall into slumber so easily. A part of me must have thought that if I was asleep I wouldn't have to do it- that sleep would make me feel better about the work. It really didn't. I felt like a part of me wanted to do badly in the presentation and break under this pressure just to say, "See you shouldn't have put me under this stress."
... Then this little flame inside me said, firmly, "No." I do not want fear to ever pause me, especially if it is just fear created by my own mind. I want to present something that makes people interested. I want to do well, and I have always wanted that. By "well", I mean to my own standards and those of the person/people who I chose to mentor me. And most importantly, I want to be happy for myself (and, by nature, that is not a feeling that comes easily for me)

I have been more active the last few days. I have been to Uni and back, carrying with me Projectors, a tripod and camera. Feeling a little bit like a horse, donkey or camel carrying so many things slung over both shoulders. Occupying myself with many things to do has made me feel a little bit better.

I also worked for Vic over Friday night and Saturday and earned myself some money (yay) which is going straight into the bank for my trip to America.

I am patiently waiting for the holidays to arrive. I want my teeth to be pulled out so that in my recovery time (2 - 4 weeks) I can slowly draw water colour stories or just sleep and drink lots of soup.