thoughts & drawings

I have been drawing a lot lately. Mainly because it's a good distraction from old habits and also because i think it helps release excess energy and thought.

I suppose, to some extent, I have been feeling pretty depressed and detached/uninvolved lately. A whole bunch of things are in my head at the moment and I just really want them to leave it so I can go back to that peaceful state of just wandering... but the other part of me wants to keep all the thoughts and slowly sort them out and I think maybe that is better plan of the two. As much as I dislike feeling numb in the mind, I suspect the outcome will be good and I may figure something out. I hope this doesn't last too long.

My body has been reminding me of old habits and comfort. In a way it is scary that I feel myself drift towards it... I find it interesting though. I suppose it was an odd comfort of mine that I was sad to say goodbye to. I promised more than two years ago and I plan to keep that promise to myself and to you... but the temptation is still there. Maybe one day it will disappear or maybe it'll just be there always. Oh well. Sometimes I think it wasn't that bad and that maybe it'd somehow make me happier.

I feel like a body can feel comfort in loneliness. If you are alone for a long time then I suppose in a way you get used to it..  Then when you find someone you connect to and, as much as you feel a most pleasant and special bond, your body can't help but feel out of sync or out of the routine and it wants to retreat to empty spaces and being alone.

I think that's how I'm feeling now...

Anyway.

I've had this overwhelming desire to go away. I honestly do not feel very attached here anymore. I walk and I feel like I'm not there.

I guess these feelings are just temporary. I think i'll feel brighter soon.