walnuts are yum

Some songs I have been listening to recently:

Crave You - Flight Facilities
How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep - Bombay Bicycle Club
Silk - Giselle
We Built This City - Starship
Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' - Michael Jackson
Another One Bites The Dust - Queen


---


It's the early morning. I opened up iTunes and put on a couple of the piano songs I recorded. They make me feel so calm. When I create songs on the piano, I do them on the spot. I feel as though the piano understands me and therefore I can immediately express what I feel inside through the notes.

Last night I spent all evening talking to Jenny. I'm really so glad that we met randomly. She is my first ever internet friend that I met in person. She just so happened to be studying at the same language university as me when we met on tumblr. I still have our first conversation ever saved on tumblr. Pretty sure I was going to walk past your class and wave like a psycho, hahaha. Oh man.

hahahah you will name your daughter izzzyyyyyy <3

Anyway, point being that she made me feel a lot better about what was happening around me. So thank you Jenny you are great : )

I'm going to embrace the day.

today has gone downhill

It started off really well. I woke up to a text from Vic who asked me whether I wanted to come over to help her out with setting up her stall. I met her at the shop and while she walked Peggy (her little dog) I spoke to Mark about my holidays. Afterwards, Vic and I headed to the Exhibition Building (where Design Made Trade) is held. I had to wear a bright orange vest so the security guards knew that I was working there. It was really nice that Vic wanted me to give advice about the placement of her stuff. Anyway I love helping her and seeing how those things work.

I went to Uni and met with Dylan, Michael, Viv, Sarah and others for our tech class. I'm am actually so excited for tech. The idea of making retreat is very appealing to me. I like being around Dylan because he is such a calm guy and is really positive to be around. I'm happy Ross is my tutor. He seems quite chill but also really knowledgable. I want to improve my drawing skills and computer skills while in his class. The main thing is becoming more confident in myself. That is one of my aims this semester.

Being home tonight has been a shit in the face. Jing has been excessively loud in every way and her friend and boyfriend have just taken a dive into my personal life and I just want them to get out get out get out now. I don't even want to be at home. There are so many places I would rather be right now.

I am feeling such a mixture of being super sad, feeling misunderstood and also angry. Having people that don't know me at all, tell me what I want or what I need is really horrible. I feel really gross.

I spoke to Jenny and cried a bit. It made me feel better. 

I think it's time for more guitar, a long shower, tea and then sleep.

Let the day end.


P.S

The sunset today was the best. It was the highlight of the day. There was a giant cloud of red and I walked after it for a half hour because I wanted it to stay in my mind forever. There is something so peaceful and pure about sunsets. I will always love that aspect of them. They will always rid my mind of worries and of sadness and fill it with calm. I am so thankful for the skies.

what's going on!

I've been listening to 4 Non Blondes' "what's up" lately. Jimmy played it the other night and I was instantly taken back to childhood days. I think it was on the radio when I was a kid.

So first day of semester two today. I'll write about it after I quickly write of the weekend.

Chi invited everyone around for drinks and games at hers. Frankie made some vodka gummy bears. Soooo... She basically put a whole lot of gummy bears in vodka for a couple of days until they soaked it all in. They just tasted like normal gummy bears which is good and bad. Hahaha.

We played monopoly and also this murder game. It was fun despite the insane amount of PDA happening between this girl in my year and her boyfriend. I'm pretty sure at one stage she was like balancing on his back and his head with her arms spread out like she was Rose and he was the Titanic. It was pretty horrific. All of us had no idea what was happening or why it was happening at all. Some PDA just needs to not exist, ever.

The rest of the night was good. Most everyone left and it was just me, jimmy, chi and sarah. Jimmy left after we had meegoreng. Chi and I played guitar and sarah sung along to the songs we played and we all sung together at times, too. It was actually really nice and chill. We stayed the night because it was so late.

I came home the next day and Jing said that her (new) boyfriend had asked her, "Are you sure Izzy's not got a boyfriend and that's where she stayed last night?" - Jing already told him that I don't have a boyfriend and he was like, "But she's really nice, she should have a boyfriend. Why doesn't she have one?" Boyfriend of my roomie, please understand that I'm super content with not wanting anybody right now. I'm pretty sure I don't want to reach the point where I am seeking somebody to love, because I don't want it to happen like that. I suppose I am happy thinking, "whatever happens, happens." I might end up alone with my cat (so technically - happy as ever) or I might actually find someone that's right.

Despite being OK with being single, his questions kind of made me uncomfortable as though ... I should have someone right now. They made me reflect things that have happened in my life and like... I don't know... how those things have gradually changed my thoughts on who I want to be with sort-of-thing. bleh bleh bleh.

I'm always so happy to find people that I connect easily with. I hardly ever want more than just having an rad cake friendship with that person.

I feel like I've been observing myself for the past couple of years, but I noticed that over those years I exhausted myself trying to befriend certain people that seem awesome to me. I normally have super high expectations of the person and am so open to learning about them and therefore, most always, give a lot of my being to them (time, thoughts, emotion & i forget about what i want, ect) Once I actually calm down, I realise that I'm not happy being their friend because of so many reasons (they are cray crays, they take advantage of me being nice, ect) I am left feeling pretty empty, like a part of me is gone... And I hated that so much. This hasn't happened since last year (yay for being calm about meeting new people) but mmm.

I think since forever, I have had those moments where I am overwhelmed with the need to get to know somebody because of reasons that make me think that they're great. These people often pop into my life unexpectedly and I am in blown away by them. My head doesn't stop telling me to "get to know them" until I actually finally do. It is a pretty horrible cycle and quite often leads me, as i wrote before, to agony, but I suppose it has its upsides - I end up meeting a lot of people, learning new things and seeing how people think in different ways & sometimes those people aren't crays and sometimes they actually are awesome and we become really good friends. These attractions aren't at all physical.

I think I am very interested in people (not all people, I hate crowds roar roar roar!) but some people are beautiful (mind and soul) and when I initially am drawn to somebody I feel like I must confirm this, just for the simple sake of doing so. Just so I know.

Anyway, I'm typing too much.

OK so uni was pretty good for the first day. I like both my teachers so far. I don't know many people very well in my class so it is actually kind of nice! I am only disliking that there is so much group work. I would like to do just one assignment by myself.

Caroline showed us so many videos that made my mind explode. Here are a few:

Wooden Mirror

iPad + Long Exposure

2D landscape into 3D

I really am excited for this class, purely for the sake of learning the technical things.

We also went for a walk to this little exhibition in another RMIT building. There were lots of different materials that seemed to do magical things. There was a metal sheet that was as strong a steel but was 90% air, a paint that had magnetic qualities, another paint that was black that turned white when heated, concrete that you could see through and other crazy stuff.

This one girl in my class randomly came up to me (she's from Taiwan, yay Taiwan I miss you) and was like, "You are pretty!" and my face just went O_O and I responded, "... You're pretty too!" and she was like, "noooo noooooo...." and like hid her face and I was in confusion and shock and didn't know what to do - why do these things happen to me -

I saw into Andii upstairs before class and she was talking to Sean (my friday teacher) So I ran up to her and put greeted her by tapping my head on her shoulder (I actually honestly do not think about these things, it is only afterwards that I thought that maybe that would have looked weird, oh well!!) It was nice to talk to her briefly. She said that she and Ariel knew Sean through a friend.

I went downstairs to class and Caroline sent me to get some papers just outside and I ran into Sean in the corridor and we talked a bit too. He seems pretty shy but he knowwwws his stuff! I was like, "You know pandaaaaaas! They're great!" and he responded something like, "Yeah! They seem really nice. They are like one being in the way they think." and I laughed cus it reminded me of Ariel saying that he and Andii were like twins. After talking to Sean, I became more excited for Friday classes and I really hope it's good ahh.

I am happy that Viv and I have Tech classes together. If we didn't then we would totally not see each other for one and half years (if we both get into exchange / if i end up applying for exchange for second sem next year)

I made myself a new solid memory.

memory of my first best friend Silky, my black cat - will be making it in silver then oxidizing

empty lounge room in the morning, I still like the light

The weather was so windy today, but that meant that the clouds would be super beautiful and wispy. The sunset was amazing.

i said, "read"

... My teacher has already sent me 50 pages worth of reading.

I'm half crying and half laughing. I think that now is a good time for me to start loving reading.

want

THIS

just start

During the holidays I did a bit of drawing. It was really odd cus normally I draw when I'm thinking lots and just need to release energy... I don't usually think about what I'm about to create, I just do it, but while I was in Canberra I was completely relaxed. I picked up my pencil and I wanted to do some still life drawings. Before I even managed to put pencil to paper I just got super scared and thought, "... what if I cant draw that tree? ... what if what I draw doesn't look like a tree?" and then immediately afterwards another part of me sighed in response and said, "How are you going to get better and get more confident if you don't even begin?"

SO. I'm scared of starting a lot of things, but I shouldn't be. I have to start somewhere and things will always be unfamiliar at the beginning. I think I might throw myself into a few things this semester and just TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT too much so I actually get to do it. We'll see where life goes.

Yesterday I had brunch with Elaine at Green's on Sydney Road (mentioned this place in an earlier post - they are the ones with the pancakes) I did not get pancakes though. I got french toast with a poached pear and it was yum but the serving was huge and next time I will need to share fo sho.

french toast with yogurt, cinnamon and poached pear

We went to Vic Markets and I found....

MANGOSTEEEEEEEN yum yum yum (best fruit ever)

I took Elaine to meet Vic. I haven't been interning at Vic's for almost a month cus I have been holidaying in Canberra. I felt so bad for not being there to help out... But she was happy to hear about my holidays & birthday party awkwardness. It was really nice to see her again. I think seeing/talking with Vic every week is something that I have missed. 

i bought collected poems! now I have all the Plath i will ever need

I had coffee with Elaine at this really italian place. I ordered a "Latte" and after the waitress walked off, Elaine pointed out this sign on the wall that said "It's not "Latte" - Latte is milk. You order "Caffe Latte"! - Coffee with milk! " and I was so worried I was just going to get milk... (I got coffee. It's all good.)

We said our goodbyes and I ran off to this university collab meeting. I had no idea what it was really really about... But one of the teachers mentioned something about it before the balloting speeches and I wrote down the address and the time and thought "I should just go to see what it was about". Dylan was going to come with me but he had work and when I got there... I surrounded by graduates and fourth years and I couldn't help but ask, "... I'm in second year... Is it ok that i'm here??" it was open to whoever so that was really good.

We met up with these people from a furniture company in Melbourne who are planning to have a open day & night club over a couple of days to promote their business. We were basically discussing what would be shown on a large LED screen and also on a number of large plasma screens around the interior. A mixture of texture projection/ images and also their own furniture. It was super interesting.

I got to know this girl from fourth year called Emma from this town just out of Beijing. She did Crash Course Cinema with Louis a couple of years ago and her one was awesome -these giant fish balloon things floating around the GPO. It was really atmospheric. We talked a fair bit about lots of things and she seemed to know her stuff on computers and Ross (one of the interior design teachers) said her thesis was on air or something! We added each other on fb and i when I checked facebook today she had written on my wall saying, "Mmm...Lovely 小玲 同学, very interesting you are : )" ( 小玲 同学 - the first two characters mean  "little Ling" - Ling is the second part of my chinese name and the second two characters means classmate, for those who don't know chinese)

I don't know how to respond when people write things like this. She's really nice though, so i'm looking forward to working with her!

After the meeting I went to uni to check which classes I was in. I met Jimmy there and he had these really nice shoes... They were these two material ones that i've liked for ages. I tried them on and almost ran away with them. But they were way too big for me : ( 

I got my first preferences for both Comm and Studio classes. I don't know how they'll be but I'm sure to write about them in the future. My Comm class is Make which means I have a 4 day Uni week. I don't really mind that though. For Studio I got this one called "Expanded Screen" I don't even know how to explain it but it seems quite a lot about projection and stage work. The girl teacher said there would be lots of reading and I am not keen on that aspect already. Hoping I get my first preference to Tech. Not sure when those classes come out though!

Michael and I are in two classes together which should be really good. I haven't been in any studio classes with him before, but we're both pretty interested in stage work, so it'll be nice to get to know him more! I texted him, "Dude we're in the same classes!!" and he replied "Yay! So excited!"
Shannay, Michael and I are in the same Comm class again. I'm so looking forward to stressful days with them. It's just quite funny.

---

I couldn't really sleep last night. I think I was hungry because I forgot to eat after the coffee. I woke up early and decided that I need to start doing things so I began making something new.

making myself a black cat

I also wanted to just play around with paint. It's actually be like a whole year since I've properly touched paint so I'm slowly going to get into it again.

back

I dreaded the plane flight back to Melbourne... not so much because of the destination, but because I have somehow managed to develop a fear of being in planes. I love being in the sky and seeing massive clouds and thunderstorms and everything from up above... I just don't like not being connected to the ground. I feel like nature can do away with me with a simple push... But I suppose it really can - whenever and where ever I am.

Today I had to go to Uni to do balloting. The day before Krisi texted me with such happiness about seeing me and I was super happy to see her lovely face again. I felt really good about going back, but when the day came I was filled with anxiety and I just really did not want to be there.

I had lunch at Sarah's before heading to Uni. She made some soup with bread and cheese and that was yum. We talked about holidays and random things that made us laugh. We were both not keen on going to Uni. She told me she didn't like superhero movies and I almost de-friended her on the spot. SUPERHEROES ARE COOL. She told me how she liked the powers that the guys in "Chronicle" had. She told me she felt jealous when watching the movie cus, "she wanted the powers". & I laughed a lot at the image of her leaving the cinema feeling super displeased and jealous of the fictional characters. She said if she walked past a cave she might just go in there to try and obtain, "Chronicle POWERS!!" and I replied, "... The headlines of news the next day will be: "Girl found dead in cave: Last words heard, "GIVE ME CHRONICLE POWERRRSSS.""

We got to Uni and checked the posters to see what classes were being offered. I really dislike crowds of people. There are just so many voices and feelings. Especially in relation to Uni. Some classmates came up to me and said, "THEY USED YOUR IMAGE!" and I was in total confusion. I found out they used my image for the Crash Course Cinema communications class. I didn't really know how to react!

The presentations were mainly good. There were only three Studio classes I wanted to do and one of them was pretty risky cus my friend had that teacher and said she wasn't that good. She didn't actually seem like she knew what she was talking about, however the guy she was working with seemed super knowledgable.

I suppose  no matter what I get, I just need to make the most of it.

I've been feeling pretty distant from a few friends from last semester. I didn't feel comfortable around them or enjoy their company. I feel like I am too often just "OK" with things and maybe do not take into consideration how being around certain people makes me feel or how they affect me on a subconscious kind of level. I realise these people openly assume things about me. They tell me how I am and how I feel and I normally just don't say anything because I'm either confused or I can't be bothered to "correct" them. I notice that I feel uncomfortable when people make random statements about me - as if they know me to the core of my being ...  When I'm not even there yet. I'm still learning so much about myself all the time.

It was nice to see some people though - Krisi is like sunshine with her lovely smiles and positive air. Dylan was good to see too, he's just such a good guy! It was nice to see Ariel too, it's been a really long time since i've spoken to him properly and i have missed our talks.

I had to meet Elaine right after balloting so I was in a rush. When I was filling in my forms, one of my classmates that I kind of don't talk to all that much, but who I've wanted to get to know forever but haven't been in any classes with came up to me and told me she saw my Crash Course Cinema image during the presentation (the lady announced to everyone that I did it and I went so red arrghh) and she said, "Of course it'd be yours! It was really lovely!" and I was like... You are great and make me feel really happy inside ahh thank you. It's never happened that someone has come up to me and said that. I suppose my work hasn't ever really been shown. It was nice. I'm really happy especially after all the work that went into it.

I finished putting in forms for Shannay, Sarah and myself and went to the pidgeon hole to pick up my feedback for history. I already knew what I got for the class because marks came out a while ago, but when I looked at the feedback I was sitting with Chi and Jimmy in a small cafe and I could not help but be filled with sadness because I saw what I got for each criteria section. I got HD, HD, HD, P, C and I thought to myself... that equaled a 69. It was worse because she marked things wrong, she gave me 50% on one section and said that that was a D. THAT'S A P. I suppose D and P look pretty similar.

Chi had to calm me. The day was just too much. I don't know if I want to keep doing this course. It's been a year and half and I still feel like I have not found my peace here. It hurts.

I met with Elaine afterwards. We went to Red Spice Road for an early dinner. It was so filling I insisted that we walked all over the city before returning back to our homes. Over dinner we talked about a lot of things. She told me that I was studying what she wanted to do. I told her she needs to just do things and not say she wants to do them, because saying that you want to do does nothing. She was worried about not liking studying something new and I said that she will never know unless she tries. There are so many short courses out there and it's just good to do one so you get a taste and from that you can get such a better idea of whether that thing is for you or not.

I did the glass class (photos in an earlier post) and it was literally like 20 minutes with this teacher and I loved it. I loved it so much. He did a lot of the work for me, all I did was forming and pulling the glass... but it made me really happy and now I feel like I want to know more. I think later in the year I am going to be doing a weekend glass blowing class.

There are many things that I wish to try before I die. I always thought I would die young, so I suppose I really have to start NOW. I'm so happy with the things that I have picked up - Metal work, Guitar, mandarin and film. I will always try and get better at those.

Elaine asked me, "what would make or break you liking somebody??" and my head was just like, "TAAAAALENNNNNTT." I have realised that since forever I have seriously admired and adored people who have talent. I think this has made me want to get better at things. There are just so many things to learn and to feel and to try and understand.

We walked all over the city. Elaine was quite often telling me to walk slower... It was hilarious. We were trying to find a place to just sit and talk so Elaine could, "just stare at my face". We found one place and she was taking forever to decide whether she wanted to go in or not. Like a good 5 minutes and I was standing there super fidgety and waiting and I was like, "Arrrghhhh you are sooooo slowww why!!!" and she told me, "I'm giving you pain for giving me painnn!!" *points to legs*
We went to this bookshop after deciding not to go sit and I was so keen on buying Plath ... "Collected Poems" (anxiety calls for Plath) but they didn't have it!! Need to buy.

I am glad Elaine is here from Canberra. She won this prize to go to this band's studio. It's nice to have an old friend here.


HAHAHAHAH I just dyed Jing's hair red (just the tips of them, cus the colour had faded) and she just washed it out and it looks really goooood yayyy!! She's super happy. Hahaha yelling, "whoooohooo SUCCEESSSSS!!" from her room and then running to my room and showing me again and saying, "sooooo COOOOOOOOOOOL!!" Hahahaha good stuff.

I'll end this post with: WATCH THIS!

P.S
I'm totally buying this from amazon.

why is there no sun!!

Ugh Melbourne!

hi melbourne

I don't think I missed you at all.

But I already miss the perfect winter & the peaceful bike rides.

friend, piano, bicycle and cat love

I took a visit to my old Primary school. It was pretty crazy to see how the large window I saw as a child now seemed quite small. I visited a classroom with my mum (the teacher there is one of our friends) and the little children were all so well mannered and super cute. I walked down the long corridor and saw all the photos of the whole student body. The photo above is one of me and my friends in Kindergarten.

While I have been in Canberra, I have spent time with a lot of friends, shown my Melbourne roomie around my home town and re visited things from the past.

"There's a Hippopotamus on Our Roof Eating Cake" is one of my all time favourite kids books. The cake that the hippopotamus ate looked DELICIOUS to me as a kid.

I have also spent a good deal of time staring at my adorable cat, Taicheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eee ee e!

As I wrote previously, I have been riding my bike a lot and really enjoying it. The other day, Darcy and I met up and went for a bike ride to Western Park. I used to visit this place as a kid. My dad used to chase me through the wooden playground. It isn't there anymore. Some cautious parents got it removed because it was "too dangerous" and they were worried their kids would fall over and hurt themselves. (... Kids do that all the time?)

Anyway, I remember the place being a fortress. My dad would walk on the outside of it and make scary noises while my friends and I would run away and scream. He'd sneak up on us and catch us.

Despite the wooden playground not being there, things were still familiar. Darcy and I walked through what used to be the old tree maze. A lot of it has disappeared now... In its place I found many interesting and pretty things. 

We climbed up the big double spiderweb and I watched this young girl climbing up. She looked too young to climb and I moved away from her because I didn't want her to be scared of me. Her parents were watching her from five meters away and suddenly she fell (not too far) and her parents rushed over and told her "good job! you climbed really high!" and this little girl said in such concern for herself, "... I hope I didn't break any of my bones!" and she looked at her arms and her legs. She didn't cry at all. She was like three years old. SHE WAS ADORABLE. 

Afterwards, Darcy wanted to skip stones and so we walked to the lake and he skipped them really far. The majority of mine didn't go far, but one did! Yay improvement!

Just before we left the lake, Darcy said, "I wonder how far I can throw this rock!" and ran and threw the rock really far into the lake. & I said, "Let me try..." so I grabbed a rock and did a little run, and I ACTUALLY TRIED TO THROW IT. I REALLY DID. It hit the very edge of the lake. Literally like 1 meter from my foot. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I AM SO RETARDED. I was laughing so much at myself and Darcy was laughing at me. It was horrific but hilarious. I obviously curved my hand WAY TOO SOON. It was embarrassing.

at the park

In the evening (Sunday) Elaine and Harry came over for a GAMES NIGHT! We played Cranium for most of the time. Eating skittles, blueberry muffins and listening to 90s music. Laughing at each other and with each other.

I had such a good night. Cranium is such a fun game. It's a mixture of trivia question, pictionary, making things and singing/acting things. GOOD STUFF.

The childhood music was great. It wasn't just the 90s actually.... I just listened to them in the 90s. The macarina came on and all of us couldn't help it but just STOP what we were doing and DO the macarina. Amazing. I love these people.

After Cranium we played Truth or Dare jenga. So the jenga blocks have dares on them or questions on them that you have to answer. I thought the Dares were super tame ("say the alphabet backwards" or "swap a piece of clothing with somebody") until I picked up...

beautiful. thanks jenga.

Elaine and Harry cracked up laughing and told me I could smell anybody's feet in the HOUSE. So we snuck upstairs to where my parents were. My mum was sitting on the sofa with my dad. Her legs were stretched out onto the table with my cat sitting on them. Without saying anything, I sat down by her legs and slowly moved my head towards her foot until my nose rested on it. I breathed in. Patted the cat and ran away.

All mum said was, "make sure you don't disturb the cat!"

Harry and Elaine laughed so much at me afterwards, hahhahaha. 

I had such an awesome night!! rahhh!!

Sarah X sent me the cutest card! It was unexpected and really really lovely to get this in the mail. I'm really happy that my friendship with her is slowly growing. I think she's the person that I've kept in contact with the most from Melbourne. I really do appreciate the effort she made to just send me a birthday message : )

--

While Jing was here visiting (only for three days) we went ice skating with Shannon! I LOVE ICE SKATING. IT IS GREAT. Shannon and I raced around the rink a couple times when we first got on the ice while Jing clung to the wall. Jing forgot how to ice skate because she hadn't done it in a really long time. For most of the night we held her hands (one of us on either side of her) and helped her skate around the rink. We all had a really fun time. I love ice and I love the cold air. I should do it more often.

--

During the week I have been talking lots with my lovely Jenny (of the crab family)!! HI Jennnyyyyy thanks for being patient with my blog updates HAHAHAH <3

She's in NZ at the moment and I have been meaning to visit her! She updates her tumblr blog + instagram with such beautiful photos of NZ skies and nature and I want to be there with her and be in awe! Rah!

Lizbeth came for a visit today. She had been in Sydney all week so I wasn't able to catch up with her sooner and i was NOT going to leave Canberra without seeing her. We always talk for many hours. Today we sat up in the upstairs lounge room in the sun. Liz was so comfortable in this new sofa my mum bought. I could see her sinking into the seat and gradually laying down on it. HAHAHA. I sat on the floor so I was not influenced by the sofa's comfortableness!!

I feel very happy when I'm with Liz. I'm happy that even though we've been separated by continents for years, that our friendship has still stayed strong. We are always happy to hear how each other has grown and about new experiences and ideas.

In the evening we played piano and guitar together and sung songs. She is such a talented girl! : ) I love singing with her. I feel like our voices sound nice together! 

I've been having a really good time here. This holiday has been what I've needed. I almost don't want it to end, but I know I should just be thankful for the time I have had here... and I definitely am.