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I dreaded the plane flight back to Melbourne... not so much because of the destination, but because I have somehow managed to develop a fear of being in planes. I love being in the sky and seeing massive clouds and thunderstorms and everything from up above... I just don't like not being connected to the ground. I feel like nature can do away with me with a simple push... But I suppose it really can - whenever and where ever I am.

Today I had to go to Uni to do balloting. The day before Krisi texted me with such happiness about seeing me and I was super happy to see her lovely face again. I felt really good about going back, but when the day came I was filled with anxiety and I just really did not want to be there.

I had lunch at Sarah's before heading to Uni. She made some soup with bread and cheese and that was yum. We talked about holidays and random things that made us laugh. We were both not keen on going to Uni. She told me she didn't like superhero movies and I almost de-friended her on the spot. SUPERHEROES ARE COOL. She told me how she liked the powers that the guys in "Chronicle" had. She told me she felt jealous when watching the movie cus, "she wanted the powers". & I laughed a lot at the image of her leaving the cinema feeling super displeased and jealous of the fictional characters. She said if she walked past a cave she might just go in there to try and obtain, "Chronicle POWERS!!" and I replied, "... The headlines of news the next day will be: "Girl found dead in cave: Last words heard, "GIVE ME CHRONICLE POWERRRSSS.""

We got to Uni and checked the posters to see what classes were being offered. I really dislike crowds of people. There are just so many voices and feelings. Especially in relation to Uni. Some classmates came up to me and said, "THEY USED YOUR IMAGE!" and I was in total confusion. I found out they used my image for the Crash Course Cinema communications class. I didn't really know how to react!

The presentations were mainly good. There were only three Studio classes I wanted to do and one of them was pretty risky cus my friend had that teacher and said she wasn't that good. She didn't actually seem like she knew what she was talking about, however the guy she was working with seemed super knowledgable.

I suppose  no matter what I get, I just need to make the most of it.

I've been feeling pretty distant from a few friends from last semester. I didn't feel comfortable around them or enjoy their company. I feel like I am too often just "OK" with things and maybe do not take into consideration how being around certain people makes me feel or how they affect me on a subconscious kind of level. I realise these people openly assume things about me. They tell me how I am and how I feel and I normally just don't say anything because I'm either confused or I can't be bothered to "correct" them. I notice that I feel uncomfortable when people make random statements about me - as if they know me to the core of my being ...  When I'm not even there yet. I'm still learning so much about myself all the time.

It was nice to see some people though - Krisi is like sunshine with her lovely smiles and positive air. Dylan was good to see too, he's just such a good guy! It was nice to see Ariel too, it's been a really long time since i've spoken to him properly and i have missed our talks.

I had to meet Elaine right after balloting so I was in a rush. When I was filling in my forms, one of my classmates that I kind of don't talk to all that much, but who I've wanted to get to know forever but haven't been in any classes with came up to me and told me she saw my Crash Course Cinema image during the presentation (the lady announced to everyone that I did it and I went so red arrghh) and she said, "Of course it'd be yours! It was really lovely!" and I was like... You are great and make me feel really happy inside ahh thank you. It's never happened that someone has come up to me and said that. I suppose my work hasn't ever really been shown. It was nice. I'm really happy especially after all the work that went into it.

I finished putting in forms for Shannay, Sarah and myself and went to the pidgeon hole to pick up my feedback for history. I already knew what I got for the class because marks came out a while ago, but when I looked at the feedback I was sitting with Chi and Jimmy in a small cafe and I could not help but be filled with sadness because I saw what I got for each criteria section. I got HD, HD, HD, P, C and I thought to myself... that equaled a 69. It was worse because she marked things wrong, she gave me 50% on one section and said that that was a D. THAT'S A P. I suppose D and P look pretty similar.

Chi had to calm me. The day was just too much. I don't know if I want to keep doing this course. It's been a year and half and I still feel like I have not found my peace here. It hurts.

I met with Elaine afterwards. We went to Red Spice Road for an early dinner. It was so filling I insisted that we walked all over the city before returning back to our homes. Over dinner we talked about a lot of things. She told me that I was studying what she wanted to do. I told her she needs to just do things and not say she wants to do them, because saying that you want to do does nothing. She was worried about not liking studying something new and I said that she will never know unless she tries. There are so many short courses out there and it's just good to do one so you get a taste and from that you can get such a better idea of whether that thing is for you or not.

I did the glass class (photos in an earlier post) and it was literally like 20 minutes with this teacher and I loved it. I loved it so much. He did a lot of the work for me, all I did was forming and pulling the glass... but it made me really happy and now I feel like I want to know more. I think later in the year I am going to be doing a weekend glass blowing class.

There are many things that I wish to try before I die. I always thought I would die young, so I suppose I really have to start NOW. I'm so happy with the things that I have picked up - Metal work, Guitar, mandarin and film. I will always try and get better at those.

Elaine asked me, "what would make or break you liking somebody??" and my head was just like, "TAAAAALENNNNNTT." I have realised that since forever I have seriously admired and adored people who have talent. I think this has made me want to get better at things. There are just so many things to learn and to feel and to try and understand.

We walked all over the city. Elaine was quite often telling me to walk slower... It was hilarious. We were trying to find a place to just sit and talk so Elaine could, "just stare at my face". We found one place and she was taking forever to decide whether she wanted to go in or not. Like a good 5 minutes and I was standing there super fidgety and waiting and I was like, "Arrrghhhh you are sooooo slowww why!!!" and she told me, "I'm giving you pain for giving me painnn!!" *points to legs*
We went to this bookshop after deciding not to go sit and I was so keen on buying Plath ... "Collected Poems" (anxiety calls for Plath) but they didn't have it!! Need to buy.

I am glad Elaine is here from Canberra. She won this prize to go to this band's studio. It's nice to have an old friend here.


HAHAHAHAH I just dyed Jing's hair red (just the tips of them, cus the colour had faded) and she just washed it out and it looks really goooood yayyy!! She's super happy. Hahaha yelling, "whoooohooo SUCCEESSSSS!!" from her room and then running to my room and showing me again and saying, "sooooo COOOOOOOOOOOL!!" Hahahaha good stuff.

I'll end this post with: WATCH THIS!

P.S
I'm totally buying this from amazon.