what's going on!

I've been listening to 4 Non Blondes' "what's up" lately. Jimmy played it the other night and I was instantly taken back to childhood days. I think it was on the radio when I was a kid.

So first day of semester two today. I'll write about it after I quickly write of the weekend.

Chi invited everyone around for drinks and games at hers. Frankie made some vodka gummy bears. Soooo... She basically put a whole lot of gummy bears in vodka for a couple of days until they soaked it all in. They just tasted like normal gummy bears which is good and bad. Hahaha.

We played monopoly and also this murder game. It was fun despite the insane amount of PDA happening between this girl in my year and her boyfriend. I'm pretty sure at one stage she was like balancing on his back and his head with her arms spread out like she was Rose and he was the Titanic. It was pretty horrific. All of us had no idea what was happening or why it was happening at all. Some PDA just needs to not exist, ever.

The rest of the night was good. Most everyone left and it was just me, jimmy, chi and sarah. Jimmy left after we had meegoreng. Chi and I played guitar and sarah sung along to the songs we played and we all sung together at times, too. It was actually really nice and chill. We stayed the night because it was so late.

I came home the next day and Jing said that her (new) boyfriend had asked her, "Are you sure Izzy's not got a boyfriend and that's where she stayed last night?" - Jing already told him that I don't have a boyfriend and he was like, "But she's really nice, she should have a boyfriend. Why doesn't she have one?" Boyfriend of my roomie, please understand that I'm super content with not wanting anybody right now. I'm pretty sure I don't want to reach the point where I am seeking somebody to love, because I don't want it to happen like that. I suppose I am happy thinking, "whatever happens, happens." I might end up alone with my cat (so technically - happy as ever) or I might actually find someone that's right.

Despite being OK with being single, his questions kind of made me uncomfortable as though ... I should have someone right now. They made me reflect things that have happened in my life and like... I don't know... how those things have gradually changed my thoughts on who I want to be with sort-of-thing. bleh bleh bleh.

I'm always so happy to find people that I connect easily with. I hardly ever want more than just having an rad cake friendship with that person.

I feel like I've been observing myself for the past couple of years, but I noticed that over those years I exhausted myself trying to befriend certain people that seem awesome to me. I normally have super high expectations of the person and am so open to learning about them and therefore, most always, give a lot of my being to them (time, thoughts, emotion & i forget about what i want, ect) Once I actually calm down, I realise that I'm not happy being their friend because of so many reasons (they are cray crays, they take advantage of me being nice, ect) I am left feeling pretty empty, like a part of me is gone... And I hated that so much. This hasn't happened since last year (yay for being calm about meeting new people) but mmm.

I think since forever, I have had those moments where I am overwhelmed with the need to get to know somebody because of reasons that make me think that they're great. These people often pop into my life unexpectedly and I am in blown away by them. My head doesn't stop telling me to "get to know them" until I actually finally do. It is a pretty horrible cycle and quite often leads me, as i wrote before, to agony, but I suppose it has its upsides - I end up meeting a lot of people, learning new things and seeing how people think in different ways & sometimes those people aren't crays and sometimes they actually are awesome and we become really good friends. These attractions aren't at all physical.

I think I am very interested in people (not all people, I hate crowds roar roar roar!) but some people are beautiful (mind and soul) and when I initially am drawn to somebody I feel like I must confirm this, just for the simple sake of doing so. Just so I know.

Anyway, I'm typing too much.

OK so uni was pretty good for the first day. I like both my teachers so far. I don't know many people very well in my class so it is actually kind of nice! I am only disliking that there is so much group work. I would like to do just one assignment by myself.

Caroline showed us so many videos that made my mind explode. Here are a few:

Wooden Mirror

iPad + Long Exposure

2D landscape into 3D

I really am excited for this class, purely for the sake of learning the technical things.

We also went for a walk to this little exhibition in another RMIT building. There were lots of different materials that seemed to do magical things. There was a metal sheet that was as strong a steel but was 90% air, a paint that had magnetic qualities, another paint that was black that turned white when heated, concrete that you could see through and other crazy stuff.

This one girl in my class randomly came up to me (she's from Taiwan, yay Taiwan I miss you) and was like, "You are pretty!" and my face just went O_O and I responded, "... You're pretty too!" and she was like, "noooo noooooo...." and like hid her face and I was in confusion and shock and didn't know what to do - why do these things happen to me -

I saw into Andii upstairs before class and she was talking to Sean (my friday teacher) So I ran up to her and put greeted her by tapping my head on her shoulder (I actually honestly do not think about these things, it is only afterwards that I thought that maybe that would have looked weird, oh well!!) It was nice to talk to her briefly. She said that she and Ariel knew Sean through a friend.

I went downstairs to class and Caroline sent me to get some papers just outside and I ran into Sean in the corridor and we talked a bit too. He seems pretty shy but he knowwwws his stuff! I was like, "You know pandaaaaaas! They're great!" and he responded something like, "Yeah! They seem really nice. They are like one being in the way they think." and I laughed cus it reminded me of Ariel saying that he and Andii were like twins. After talking to Sean, I became more excited for Friday classes and I really hope it's good ahh.

I am happy that Viv and I have Tech classes together. If we didn't then we would totally not see each other for one and half years (if we both get into exchange / if i end up applying for exchange for second sem next year)

I made myself a new solid memory.

memory of my first best friend Silky, my black cat - will be making it in silver then oxidizing

empty lounge room in the morning, I still like the light

The weather was so windy today, but that meant that the clouds would be super beautiful and wispy. The sunset was amazing.